one day there was 3 girls 2 were twins and the other one was a cousin they all was 10 wow they were stuck inside because there has been a big storm were they were staying. When the storm was over they went straight to the beach.Than they went for a walk down a path way and saw this long green pipe and then they saw spray bottle different Colours then they were so naughty and opened and there was so much lift so they use it and then a alen and a monster come out of nowhere and said don't do that.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Hi Mia I'm Tiffany I like your story but maybe you could add more detail to what going on instead of wow they were... maybe say something like sadly they had to stay inside or something and when I got to the spray bottle part you said "then they saw spray bottle" maybe you could say "then they saw A spray bottle" and then you said "spray bottle differ..." it didn't really make sense so when you make another story read it again and make sure it makes sense. I like how you said "TO BE CONTINUED..." I hope you reply and take my advice ^-^
ReplyDeleteIf you want to see my blog here is the link http://odstiffanyl.blogspot.co.nz/ and my school is Owairaka District School
By Tiffany